you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We talked him into tasing himself.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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