I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
