Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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