just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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