I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
