I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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