I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
