some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
