Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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