dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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