You can't motorboat a personality
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
