Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
