I CAN MOONWALK!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
only you would photoshop your dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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