Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
