I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
