So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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