Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
