I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
