Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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