Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
...so i touched it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
