We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
