I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
