i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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