i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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