i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
