Already got asked if we're dating
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
