dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
