I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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