there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
