You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
