I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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