You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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