If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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