Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
