when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
