Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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