What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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