May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
