I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
