Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize