I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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