I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
