Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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