you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
