so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize