Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
