My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
