I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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