she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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