Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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