oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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