guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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