just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
