it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
