I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
