i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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