Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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