Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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