sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
