Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
