I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize