Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
