Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
