Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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