the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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