so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
