I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
