Porn is love you can see.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
