Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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