I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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