god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
